Mind Ramblings: 2 [6/20/12]

6/20/12
This was the result of watching a documentary on schizophrenia, then pondering time, which lead me to think about how I carry myself day to day, and the comparisions or differences between these people, leading off of a thought I had the day before. This idea came in my head, that, my morals, my beliefs, are held as law by part of me, but in the same way that I can feel as though I am a sinner for breaking those laws, I can just as easily do wrong, or, think wrong, and somehow at the moment in time the action occured, seemingly not find any consequences, morally, for what I had done. It's like I can check in on another state of me, that is completely dependent on my surroundings, and changes as they do, but still contains the knowledge and basic social skills that the (for lack of a better word) sane me has. My mind, I think a lot, but it interests me, the inner workings of my mind, but not so much on a technical, on a scientific side, as far as like, the chemical aspect, but the more like, psychological side. Not that that doesn't have to do with science, chemistry, but, it's almost like a treasure trove, a land that I've yet to explore, and am just touching on, just grasping the concepts rooted in this state, and taking them for what they are, learning from them. I can't sum this up. It's strange.
Here's the post, and yes, it's quite simple:

"Like. Um. Okay. This just came upon me. Like. In one sense, when with certain people, my mind doesn't seem like it's in my control, but when I'm alone, or when I'm not in the presence of certain influences, shows the real me. It's like, I'm still stuck in the mindset that when I'm with others, well, certain ones, I have to like, prove that I'm something. Yet, my mind gets whittled down to a dumb state, that, as much as it's still the same mind, it's not entirely in my hands. And, thus, these things that I say, or like, think, aren’t said by, well, me, or my mind, but some outside source channeling the things I
know and filtering out all the dumbed down thoughts, which get spoken."