I had a dream last night. Well. Tuesday, June 26th, that really entertained, and, yet, at the same time, perplexed me. I really enjoyed it while I was inside, but, after I woke up, questioned what it was about.
I'll summarize the dream. (Or at least what I remember.)
I was with her. And, this other guy, who, didn't have a name. And, we walked around, outside, some suburban area, and by a few shallow pools. I found myself always behind, always, at least in my mind, the odd one out. Yes, we all knew each other, but, it almost felt like I was invading a dream. I didn't feel like this was something I had control of. Like it was my thoughts, my current emotions, my wants and my mind that so often goes mental over simple things, all put out in a story. I don't know, maybe my mind wanted to tell the real me what was going on inside the cluttered head of mine. Anyway. We walked. And walked. Somehow we ended up in what seemed like a school cafeteria, a low roofed building; sitting at a table near the front. They were talking (they being her and the nameless guy) and I was as well, but more or less observing, feeling left out. Which, lead me to get up. I walked away, wanting to clear my head, but also listening in. Wondering if my mind was leading me astray with jealous thoughts, or if it wasn't known that I was feeling this way. I heard words. Words about her. Words about me. Thoughts about me, and about myself as a stable person. I heard things I didn't like. I'll put that rather straightforward. They got up, and started walking towards me, I think he was wondering why I got up, and, that's when it happened. Don't ask where I got it from, it's a dream. But. I threw strawberries; a full container of them, at him. It wasn't the most violent action, but, it was with intent. After that I don't remember anything, I mean, even in my dream, it faded through time, and the next thing I remember is being with her. Walking again. But, switched. He was behind. Following, and, I was content. Being at my house, with my phone, and her number up is the next thing I remember, and upon waking up, all I could do was lie, smiling. Smiling because of the dream I just had, smiling because of her, but, also, smiling because my mind got it right. Feelings. Emotions. Nothing that didn't make sense, and nothing that I could take more than one way, no loose ends for me to get hung up over.
That doesn't mean I didn't have questions for myself, for what just happened. Because, I did. But, I more or less understood what it meant. The girl, obviously someone I care about. And being left out, a feeling that, in certain circumstances, is hard not to feel. And, the guy, just a personified analogy for the feelings that come with not being around the one you care about. The feelings that, on one hand are natural, but, are also feelings that, are somewhat unfair to have. At least as I see it. Because, they mean a lack of confidence, but also, trust in someone. And, I feel ashamed to have felt something that can be associated with such a thing. I don't lack trust in her, at all. I guess it's just the way I feel sometimes.
Dreams are a funny thing.
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