Mind Ramblings

I can't go out in public without being content with my appearance. And I never am. My hair is never the way I want, my pants aren't tight enough, or they're too long, or my shoes are dirty... gaaah.
Okay. So, I went and got some pants, and I thought they fit well. I was looking for decent skinnies, that were actually tight. Tried on youth skinnies and some mens skinnies. Youth fit perfectly around my legs, and the mens fit perfectly around my waist. I got the former, and felt content with my purchase. They looked good, and felt good... til I put them on and walked around, til I tried to run, til I did anything more than stand and look good. It pissed me off, I never thought it'd be this hard to find skinnies that fit tightly, and comfortably. ._. My current pants are skinny fit... but nowhere near tight.
This leads to my shoes, and how I always see them. I love Vans to death, the brand, the shoe, everything associated with the company. But with my jeans, my black slip ons appear so small, and you can really tell that my pants are too loose, and a bit too short, and overall, it just doesn't look good. I went and found some other Vans that were nice, and really fit well, as well as being in a store that quickly became one of my favorites.
I like my shoes. I like my shirts, but my pants are too loose. Actually, I only like a few of my shirts, again, they aren't tight enough, I can't get a larger size to allow for a longer shirt, as it looks baggy. And I can't get a small, because when it shrinks.. it is too short. I don't know if it's the fact that I can't find pants that fit me... because it just looks really odd, having pants that have so much crotch, (length from the top of the waist to seam at the crotch) and shirts that are tight, and go just barely past the top of my pants.

I WISH I COULD FIND TIGHTER PANTS. I can't wait til I find employment, I'm going to completely overhaul my wardrobe, to have a bunch of clothes that are actually comfortable, and I enjoy wearing, and, also feel that I look good in.

I know that I shouldn't care about my appearance, that it's up to others and the ones who care to determine if I'm attractive, that if they accept me, then nothing else matters. And it may seem like such a shallow rant, such a shallow problem, but it really affects me. I've wanted to be attractive for so long, to look good, and I try. I really do. But it just doesn't work. I wish it did, I wish I could look good. I wish I could be happy with my appearance. But that's rarely the case. And until it I am, I don't think I'll ever be content.