Ever since my first winter season playing Senior B, my play has been consistently below my normal standard... and not being able to leave that impression that I am a solid player has really hurt me. People just don't think I can do anything. And I can't get that back. I know I can play better. And I don't want to hear that "I've really improved since I started." Fuck that. Improved on what, nothing? Got back to the way I actually play the game? Fuck politics, and never making teams I really should have. If I don't have evidence of certain things and the people who doubt me aren't watching what I do then I'll always be less. Sorry I'm not some egotistical fuck who believes he's the second coming of God or that I'm not a part of some cult friend group.
I've played myself out of something. And I need to play myself back.
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