Eclipsing The Mind: A Hunt For The Subconscious Reality

There is something fascinating about being disconnected from your being. The idea that we are as humans, not just a conscious entity. That there is more that we can tap into. It's what gives psychedelics their lure. What brings me to spend nights watching videos theorizing about space, about life out there, about conspiracies and ways to unlock our inner being. 

At least I think it is. Maybe I'm just weird.

Don't Worry About The Walls If Your Basement Is Flooded

The thing I've noticed, with sports, mostly, but girls, when they know that they want something, go right to technique. I noticed it in soccer, first, that priority was to technique, whereas guys had this 'faster, better, bigger, harder, etc.' mentality. 

This adds to that, just the mentality that regardless what you do, technique will always build the foundation, that progression, speed, 'skill' is always a result. Something I've tried to live by, again mostly with soccer, as I enjoy it, but also as somewhat of a general thing. To perfect the basics, get everything right. Directly relates to the thought that nothing should be forced in life, in trying to succeed at something. Forcing something, you create or sometimes perpetuate habits that lead to stress and negativity. Not saying that the easy way is always right, that hard work and time shouldn't be put into things you care about, but when it comes down to something, if you know how to do something, and you focus on doing it right, it WILL fall into place in time. 

That was a wild tangent. Although I managed to keep it on track. Thank god.

Hate.

If I was deaf.
And you were blind.
Would you still scream out to me?
See what damage you could cause,
Behind those eyes
Forever useless.
Hate comes around
Judgments revealed
An ignorant bliss
No wounds to heal.
Bouncing off my senseless soul.

Desolation

In this world reduced to shambles
The pain of a new dawn arising
Starting over
Misery rebuilt
From the remains of a broken land
Memories buried in the ashes of many
Lives lost in the destruction
A playing field levelled
A world brought up from nothing
The few left
Die
Alone

Bitch.

When I look you in the eyes,
And I think that you're an angel
I want to fucking die,
Because I know you're evil.
Fucked up and abused
A killer and a demon
I gave you that heart of mine
And now I'll take it back.

What Is Life?

The tension that rises
Washing over in waves
Gives us hope
In this fucked up game
One of sorrow, of misery and doubt
A life lived for nothing
What the fuck are we about?

Frozen In Love

I wrapped my arms around her as we embraced each others warmth. The falling snow gently kissed her face, bringing about a pinkish hue, as she smiled and glanced up at me.
I looked down, past the smile, growing, lighting up the night, through her beautiful blue eyes, to the girl I came to love. The girl who, despite her love, and fiery passion, froze me with a stare. With a look that implied the words yet to come. Words I knew would forever intertwine us, together as one.
She looked down for a second, the color in her cheeks now as intense as the emotion of the
moment, almost waiting for the perfect moment, before her lips slowly parted, releasing the
feelings kept inside, a weight off her shoulders.

'I love you.'

Twlight Angel

The light casts her shadow over me, as I glance into her eyes. Brightly, her smile shines as she freezes me with a stare. We connect, then feel the warmth rising over us, like the midsummer nights breeze; the perfection of the moment. It's emotion that fuels my mind, but true love that moves my words, softly slipping from my lips and into her ears as if softly kissing her soul. She looks down at me as I face the open window, my shape silhouetted by the city that never sleeps, speaking words that dance around me like leaves in the fall air.
But they never fall. No, they hang in my head, pondered forever, while in an alternate universe the secrets reveal a reality, brought up to calm a restless mind, creations of her. The girl of my dreams.

The Endless Cycle - Broken?

I have been trying to apply for a job lately. Jobs, actually. And it's quite difficult. Handing out resume after resume, applying everywhere, doing everything to try and get something.

It all seems so foolish, well, foolish at times, considering there are so many people without jobs. Don't we want our young people working, learning, gaining precious experience, and contributing to our society?

I had this idea. Certain jobs, grocery stores, fast food restaurants, jobs like that would be 'entry level jobs'
These would ONLY be available to people with under a certain amount of work experience or have been out of the job market for a certain considerable amount of time.
This would give ample space and opportunity for jobs to recruit and hire employees who aren't over qualified, spreading those who able to work other jobs around to the positions they fit into.

It would also be beneficial, at least in my mind, to reserve a couple spaces in a workforce to always have 'rookie' employees. That way you would constantly have junior positions available, unless your employee roster was full, and then they would rotate out.

I can see that this would cause problems when someone has worked somewhere for over the maximum allotted time, but that would then give them the financial stability, at least, a bit, and the experience to then gain a job that would then be considered in the next level, more experienced positions such as those in retail or managerial positions.

I just feel like the job hunt shouldn't be as hard as it is. Maybe not like this, exactly, but something along the lines. Something that is always guaranteed to spread the wealth around, and have jobs in the hands of people who are suited for them.

Incompetence: Part 2.

Ever since my first winter season playing Senior B, my play has been consistently below my normal standard... and not being able to leave that impression that I am a solid player has really hurt me. People just don't think I can do anything. And I can't get that back. I know I can play better. And I don't want to hear that "I've really improved since I started." Fuck that. Improved on what, nothing? Got back to the way I  actually play the game? Fuck politics, and never making teams I really should have. If I don't have evidence of certain things and the people who doubt me aren't watching what I do then I'll always be less. Sorry I'm not some egotistical fuck who believes he's the second coming of God or that I'm not a part of some cult friend group.
I've played myself out of something. And I need to play myself back.

Mind Ramblings

I can't go out in public without being content with my appearance. And I never am. My hair is never the way I want, my pants aren't tight enough, or they're too long, or my shoes are dirty... gaaah.
Okay. So, I went and got some pants, and I thought they fit well. I was looking for decent skinnies, that were actually tight. Tried on youth skinnies and some mens skinnies. Youth fit perfectly around my legs, and the mens fit perfectly around my waist. I got the former, and felt content with my purchase. They looked good, and felt good... til I put them on and walked around, til I tried to run, til I did anything more than stand and look good. It pissed me off, I never thought it'd be this hard to find skinnies that fit tightly, and comfortably. ._. My current pants are skinny fit... but nowhere near tight.
This leads to my shoes, and how I always see them. I love Vans to death, the brand, the shoe, everything associated with the company. But with my jeans, my black slip ons appear so small, and you can really tell that my pants are too loose, and a bit too short, and overall, it just doesn't look good. I went and found some other Vans that were nice, and really fit well, as well as being in a store that quickly became one of my favorites.
I like my shoes. I like my shirts, but my pants are too loose. Actually, I only like a few of my shirts, again, they aren't tight enough, I can't get a larger size to allow for a longer shirt, as it looks baggy. And I can't get a small, because when it shrinks.. it is too short. I don't know if it's the fact that I can't find pants that fit me... because it just looks really odd, having pants that have so much crotch, (length from the top of the waist to seam at the crotch) and shirts that are tight, and go just barely past the top of my pants.

I WISH I COULD FIND TIGHTER PANTS. I can't wait til I find employment, I'm going to completely overhaul my wardrobe, to have a bunch of clothes that are actually comfortable, and I enjoy wearing, and, also feel that I look good in.

I know that I shouldn't care about my appearance, that it's up to others and the ones who care to determine if I'm attractive, that if they accept me, then nothing else matters. And it may seem like such a shallow rant, such a shallow problem, but it really affects me. I've wanted to be attractive for so long, to look good, and I try. I really do. But it just doesn't work. I wish it did, I wish I could look good. I wish I could be happy with my appearance. But that's rarely the case. And until it I am, I don't think I'll ever be content.

//:TheSystem_

There comes a day
When everyone must look at themselves
And wonder,
"Am I enough?"
What has this world become?
With rebel armies
Of tortured youth
All wanting to break free
Of this media barrage
This endless struggle
To live a life planned by them
Chasing perfection forever
Til we can't pay to walk another step
Slaves to the system
Hopes shot down again;
But we won't give up.

*~Til Death Do Us Part~*

Sadness grips
My lifeless body,
Torn by the pain of loss.
Stitches hold together
What is left of my heart;
A soul broken,
Crying in agony as I touch her heart
With my lips;
A kiss to seal our fate
Til death do us part.

Erotica

Taking her hand, he cracked open the door, leading her into the darkened room. She giggled as he glanced back at her, smirking, knowing all too well by the look in her eyes that she wanted this just as much as he did. She slowly closed the door behind her as he took her other hand, pulling her in close, leading her back towards the bed. Nervous energy built up as her eyes darted over his body, from his chest, down lower and back up to his star struck gaze, this sensual connection putting her over the top. Her emotions took over, and she threw herself into him, knocking him onto the bed. She kissed him passionately, her tongue dancing around his mouth, his body at her mercy. She moved her hands lower, attempting to pin him down, but he wasn't about to let her have all the fun. Letting out a playful moan, she couldn't help but give in to his tightening grasp as he took control, tossing her body off of his and firmly into the wall alongside the bed. She screamed in agony upon hitting the wall, her eyes rolled back as he ran his hands up her sides, attacking her neck viciously. Moaning as he kissed her, as he bit her, she dug her fingers into his back, nails piercing the skin, his blood running down her hands. He continued the assault on her neck, running his hands back down her back and under her shirt, looking back up at her, eyes glued on him, her mind lost in the ecstasy of the moment, his whispers all but foreshadowing what was to come.  

The couple stumbled back, entangled, lost in the moment, as he threw her on the bed, her limp body collapsing under him as his hands instantly shot for her hips, ripping her shirt up, almost tearing it clean off. Gasping, she wrapped her legs around him as he moved up petite body, cupping her small breasts, pressing his forehead against hers, the sweat dripping into her open mouth. The two lovers’ mouths came together, lips locked tight, the sound of love echoing between them, filling their youthful bodies, as she begged him for more, grinding her hips into his. He squeezed gently, bringing soft moans from her as she brought her hands up to his hair, playfully tugging and teasing. He broke the kiss for a moment, sliding the light fabric of her shirt up over her face as, and tossed it aside; her impatient hands pulling him back down, biting her lip as she glanced down at his hands, which were now softly caressing her tight stomach. His touch sent shivers up her spine, his fingers slowly moving down over her hips and to the top of her jeans, inching them down as his eyes wandered back up to her ever assuring smile. He unbuttoned them slowly, almost inviting her anxious whispers to serenade the simple act. Sliding them down over her hips, his eyes grew as he looked down at her, then back to her eyes, the look pleading him to rid her body of their restriction, to continue fueling the fire inside her. He brought his lips back up the front of her body, kissing a path back up to the face he adored, silencing the quiet moans, albeit temporarily, as he ran his hands through her hair. She wrapped her arms tightly around his back, pulling him into her, time coming to a halt as they lay intertwined, a perfect moment captured in time, the passion only getting more intense as a deep love washed over them.

[Equinox]

I miss the days of
Adventure,
Time in the summer nights;
Skies so clear but our minds clouded up,
By countless hits and a self tranquilizing puff.
We lived in the nights, ran by the sun kept time.
Nothing to stop us and nobody to...

Kill the happiness forming,
The feels in the air between
Love life and friendship;
A day without boundaries.
A life that is endless,
And full
Of the little things;

Of the simple things.

Love Me Still.

You mean more to me than words on a page,
A book misread, a heart rearranged.
The feelings are there,
The emotion is true
And all I want to do
Is love you

All day, and every night.
We can love, we can do it right.
Take my hand, hold me still
And I won't hold it against your will
That all day, and every night
We can love,
We will love.

My mind makes you up, that girl of my dreams
In a world unique, full to the seams
I think it's apparent
While in my dreams you flew
That all I need to do
Is love you.

All day, and every night.
We can love, we can do it right.
Take my hand, hold me still
And I won't hold it against your will
That all day, and every night
We can love,
We will love.

Take my hand, hold me still
And I won't hold it against your will
That all day, and every night
We can love,
We will love.

[Lyric Ideas - Fed Up]

The people in power, are twisting our words.
Listing off facts that are so damn obsurd.
Stealing from everyone
Power in state
We all just live on what the government dictates.

Conspiracies,
Stories galore
Who's to believe, who will we adore?
We live by our rules, and take what we get
Why don't we deserve to know?
It's us against the flow

When things happen fast, we question it all
Our minds under attack, pushed to the wall.
Stories are written
Shit jammed in our heads
Brainwashed and controlled to believe what they've said

Conspiracies,
Stories galore
Who's to believe, who will we adore?
We live by our rules, and take what we get
Why don't we deserve to know?
It's us against the flow

Why don't we know?
What are they hiding?
Where is the truth that in which they're abiding?
We want to know, the stories behind
Everything else,
Hidden,
Undefined.
They keep all the truths locked up with a key
And tell us what we must believe.
Because they just want to decieve.

Conspiracies,
Stories galore
Who's to believe, who will we adore?
We live by our rules, and take what we get
Why don't we deserve to know?
It's us against the flow

Conspiracies,
Stories galore
Who's to believe, who will we adore?
We live by our rules, and take what we get
Why don't we deserve to know?
It's us against the flow

And we want everyone to know.

Forever Undead.

You've got me light in the head
I'll make you moan til you're red
We're fucking zombies in bed
We'll be the undead forever


I'll eat you out til you're dead
Maybe just fuck with your head
Kiss you for all that you're said
I'll love the undead forever

We'll live life in our thoughts
In this skin we will rot
Give it the all that we've got
We're fucking zombies forever.